Molly W tried reconnecting with friends after weeks, months and even years of radio silence, using Snapchat to socialise not stalk
After noticing I’d lost touch with friends, I decided to DITCH the passive scrolling. Even when we socialise online, we do so superficially and without real look-me-in-the-eyes communication. Some research suggests that using social media to maintain connections actually leads towards more feelings of loneliness – perhaps virtual connections are not a good enough substitute for in-person communication and disappoint users.
I decided to use social media for its intended purpose and tried reconnecting with three people in my life who I haven’t spoken to recently. I wanted to find out: is it possible to use our phones to combat loneliness instead of escalating it?
Social media has gone from real connections to fleeting trends and presenting the best versions of ourselves. Around 73% of gen z report feeling alone either sometimes or all the time, according to Psychology Today. Its study also suggested that passive scrolling on our phones can exacerbate loneliness by amplifying feelings of isolation and inadequacy. The takeaway? It’s not enough to limit how much time you spend on social media, you must also be able to use it mindfully.
So, I decided to reach out to three people I knew I had on Snapchat to see if we could rekindle our friendships.
1. ‘E’
I hadn’t spoken to E in 28 weeks. We tried maintaining a long-distance friendship, but it slipped from daily conversations to weekly, eventually stopping completely.
I drafted a message during a four-hour car ride, and read it to my boyfriend at least six times, nervously tweaking it despite his positive feedback. I overthought everything: “Will E find it weird? We haven’t talked in months.”
Three hours later, I finally had the guts to hit send. Three weeks on we are talking daily, catching up, while I wonder why I let six months pass without contact.
2. ‘F’
After a weird blip in a long friendship of 10 years, we haven’t spoken in 59 weeks. If I was anxious about messaging E, holy sh!t, this was worse. We’re in the same friend group with an active group chat, but there has been no direct conversation between us for over a year.
I sent the message, had a mini meltdown, and waited nervously for the response. Twenty hours later my phone lit up with F’s name, expressing how glad he was that I reached out, and I am so glad I did too. We made plans within about half an hour of his response to go for a drink for a long overdue catchup.
3. ‘A’
I hadn’t spoken to A in 187 weeks – 43 months, or three and a half years (whichever sounds the most dramatic). We always like each other’s posts on social media but haven’t talked in centuries.
Before this, we were friends for about seven years. I was sceptical if I would get a response from her and after sending a very brief message, no response came back.
And that is okay. I am glad I messaged. Maybe she’s busy, or stopped using Snapchat, but ultimately, it is what it is and I am not going to let it worry me.
Overall, I would definitely recommend that people do this if they are feeling nostalgic over old friendships, missing people, or have a list of long overdue catch-ups they keep meaning to tick off.
If they respond, great. If they don’t, it’s not the end of the world, because at least you made the effort and you can move forward knowing you tried.
Reconnecting can be rewarding, but it’s also okay if things don’t pick up where they left off. So quit the lurking and start messaging.