{"id":3126,"date":"2020-09-02T05:55:00","date_gmt":"2020-09-02T04:55:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites.jomec.co.uk\/life360\/?p=3126"},"modified":"2020-09-30T03:11:10","modified_gmt":"2020-09-30T02:11:10","slug":"childrens-books-on-death-great-help-to-open-the-taboo-conversation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/childrens-books-on-death-great-help-to-open-the-taboo-conversation\/","title":{"rendered":"Children\u2019s books on death: great help to open the taboo conversation"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Parents may not favour a kid\u2019s book with death as the topic, but it is of great value for children\u2019s development, especially during the coronavirus pandemic.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Eva Hibbs\u2019s father died 12 years ago. At that time, his nephew and niece were not born. Eva said: \u201cIt was a strange thought to know that they would never meet him, but he is part of the family.\u201d Wondering how her father would be talked about to these kids, Eva wrote a story, with a little girl asking questions on her family member who has died before she was born.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Cooperating with freelance illustrator Sarah Harrison, the team finished the book and named it <em>Where is Uncle AL<\/em>. They contacted many publishers, however, got refused for more than 10 times. One publisher even told them: \u201cOrdinarily, death is off the table.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sarah from Bedford said, they had lots of feedback from publishers and there seemed to be an idea that parents and teachers were more likely to buy positive books. And Eva, writer and teacher from London, has a similar feeling that death still seems like a risk for modern publishers due to the sensitivity of the topic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cThe cycle of life with death at the end of it can be seen as a negative thing,\u201d said Eva. \u201cNone of us want it to happen, and it&#8217;s a reality that we ignore.\u201d Therefore, it\u2019s understandable that parents prefer talking about other hopeful things with kids rather than reading them stories about death.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"950\" height=\"712\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/1.1.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-6094\" srcset=\"https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/1.1.jpg 950w, https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/1.1-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/1.1-770x577.jpg 770w, https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/1.1-293x220.jpg 293w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 950px) 100vw, 950px\" \/><noscript><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"950\" height=\"712\" src=\"https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/1.1.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-6094\" srcset=\"https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/1.1.jpg 950w, https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/1.1-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/1.1-770x577.jpg 770w, https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/1.1-293x220.jpg 293w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 950px) 100vw, 950px\" \/><\/noscript><figcaption>Eva Hibbs (left) and Sarah Harrison (right) worked together and published a children&#8217;s book with the topic of death: <em>Where is Uncle AL<\/em>.  Photo: provided by Sarah Harrison &amp; Eva Hibbs <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>It is true that death is not a hot topic in children\u2019s books, and in the past, it were parents who would avoid the topic, according to secretary of The Federation of Children&#8217;s Book Groups, Anne Bradley.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cUp to about 20 years ago, children were protected from death and sometimes did not attend the funerals of close family members,\u201d said Anne. \u201cPublishers would have avoided such topics in line with parental choice, and teachers were also aware that these might be contentious issues to raise in school.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Professor Jo Lampert from School of Education&nbsp;at La Trobe University&#8217;s, death has historically shown up in children\u2019s books, such as the \u201cfrightening and cautionary\u201d <em>Grimm Fairy Tales,<\/em> but there is still a tendency that parents want to protect children, or they want to monitor what their children know and when they know it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Adults not only tend to shield children away from the topic of death in books, they don\u2019t like talking about it either. \u201cIt is a tough subject for parents because it&#8217;s filled with sadness, pain and loss,\u201d said Dr Deborah Serani, psychologist&nbsp;and senior&nbsp;adjunct professor at Adelphi University. \u201cAs we talk about what death is to our own children, it reminds us of our own mortality, and foreshadows the&nbsp;sorrow our own children will experience when we, ourselves, are gone.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Parents also fret about the&nbsp;how&#8217;s&nbsp;and the&nbsp;when&#8217;s&nbsp;of talking to their children about death, added Dr Deborah, they may also not be certain how to address religious beliefs, cultural beliefs and scientific beliefs and any combination of these&nbsp;when it comes to death.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, children learn about death at a very young age. \u201cThey read fairy-tale stories, sing songs about it or watch cartoons that show&nbsp;death,\u201d said Dr Deborah. \u201cAs they get older, they may come across dead things in nature or experience it via a beloved pet. Perhaps even grieving the loss of a loved one.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Due to the global coronavirus pandemic, more families are suffering from bereavement and loss. According to live data by Worldometers, the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.worldometers.info\/coronavirus\/\">death<\/a> toll by 16 August has passed 769,480 globally, and that number in the UK has been more than 413,60.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Based on a study of the death number and the total population in New York City in May, the crude <a href=\"https:\/\/www.worldometers.info\/coronavirus\/coronavirus-death-rate\/\">mortality<\/a> rate of covid-19 is 0.28%, with 1 death every 358 people, and the rate continues increasing due to the occurrence of more infections and deaths.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Under this severe situation, conversations on death with children become more inevitable and significant. \u201cWhen parents talk about death, they help their child become resilient&nbsp;in the face of loss,\u201d said Dr Deborah. \u201cGrief and mourning are developmental goals in child development.\u201d While avoidance of the subject \u201cprevents a child from learning about the process of death and finding acceptance with the inevitability as they get older.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The sensitive conversation is not easy, but parents can use children\u2019s books as helpful tools, because kids\u2019 stories on death and grief can provide opportunities for discussions and questions, according to Anne.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Author of children\u2019s grieving book <em>The Coat I Wear<\/em>, Mel Maxwell said, after her sister died of cancer and left two little kids in 2011, she wanted to find a children\u2019s book for them, which was about a human dying rather than a woodland creature. But she couldn\u2019t really find one, so she wrote a book by herself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"950\" height=\"713\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/2.2.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-6095\" srcset=\"https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/2.2.jpg 950w, https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/2.2-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/2.2-770x578.jpg 770w, https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/2.2-293x220.jpg 293w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 950px) 100vw, 950px\" \/><noscript><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"950\" height=\"713\" src=\"https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/2.2.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-6095\" srcset=\"https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/2.2.jpg 950w, https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/2.2-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/2.2-770x578.jpg 770w, https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/2.2-293x220.jpg 293w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 950px) 100vw, 950px\" \/><\/noscript><figcaption>Mel Maxwell wrote a children&#8217;s book on the topic of death and grief: <em>The Coat I wear<\/em>.  Photo: provided by Mel Maxwell<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI wanted to write about my feelings of grief in a way that a child could understand, not in a scary manner, not in a fairy tale way, just something that tried to help children understand that it&#8217;s hard to lose somebody.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She compared the grief of bereavement to a heavy coat in the book. \u201cGrieving isn&#8217;t something that you just get over. It doesn&#8217;t start one day and stop another. It&#8217;s something that you live with, and you get through,\u201d said Mel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cIn the early days of grieving, you think about that person constantly, and it makes you very sad. And overtime, it&#8217;s only time, you start [to feel] the burden of grief gets lighter. It doesn&#8217;t go away, but it gets much lighter, and that was the analogy of the coat.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Mel reinforces in her book that the grief caused by death is really natural. If a child suffers from the bereavement and feels confused, upset, sad, angry, or is around by all of those emotions, she wishes the child can be encouraged by her book and do not feel scared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cHopefully if a child reads this book, they come away thinking \u2018that&#8217;s how I feel, so I&#8217;m not on my own, because that&#8217;s how other people will feel\u2019, then maybe talk about it and how they are feeling,\u201d said Mel, who believes it\u2019s much better for kids to open up about their feelings rather than locking them inside, because it could be very damaging physically and unhealthy for their mental health.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Adults try to shield children, and Mel thinks the message they send in that way is \u201cDon\u2019t talk about it\u201d. While she wants to deliver a different message through her book that \u201cIt is OK. You can talk about it, and you can share it. Share it with your friends, with your family, and they can help you get through it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Apart from building conversations, children\u2019s books about death, grief, sadness and loss are enormously valuable in helping parents teaching about death in addition to directly talking with their child, according to Dr Deborah.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cStory books illustrate death in different ways, and they can help a child understand both the concrete and the abstract concept of death,\u201d said Dr Deborah. \u201cSometimes books on death become supportive resources for children as they read the prose over and over again to help make sense of a loss that they may have experienced.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Anne said, kid\u2019s books on death and grief could help prepare children for a sad event. If they were under a related situation, the books enabled them to understand that they were not alone. \u201cIt is crucial for children to see themselves represented in books,\u201d added Professor Lampert.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Reading also enables a child to move through the subject at his or her own pace, added Dr Deborah. \u201cIf it is upsetting, he or she can put the book down and read it at another time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Eva said, coming from a perspective of a fiction writer, she really believed in the power of narrative to help understanding and to help empathy. \u201cStory is a really important vehicle for communicating messages about the world, exploring our own thoughts and feelings via characters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cSometimes it&#8217;s too difficult to talk about our own experiences, but if we can read about somebody who has experienced something similar, and we can relate to that, it&#8217;s at that remove that allows us to engage with it, with something difficult.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Difficult topics and children are a very sensitive area, but it doesn&#8217;t mean that children don&#8217;t need that kind of information putting in a language that they can understand, according to Mel, and death is the topic that definitely where children are concerned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s all a part of life and it\u2019s the one thing we all know that is going to happen to each and every one of us,\u201d said Mel. \u201cIt\u2019s a topic that is just so real. It&#8217;s ridiculous not to talk about it, because it goes on all around us, especially in 2020.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"950\" height=\"712\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/3.3.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-6097\" srcset=\"https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/3.3.jpg 950w, https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/3.3-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/3.3-770x577.jpg 770w, https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/3.3-293x220.jpg 293w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 950px) 100vw, 950px\" \/><noscript><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"950\" height=\"712\" src=\"https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/3.3.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-6097\" srcset=\"https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/3.3.jpg 950w, https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/3.3-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/3.3-770x577.jpg 770w, https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/8\/2020\/09\/3.3-293x220.jpg 293w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 950px) 100vw, 950px\" \/><\/noscript><figcaption>There are many so-called tatoo topics in children&#8217;s books, but Profess Lampert believes the way of delivering the topic matters more. Photo: Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Apart from death, there are other issues that many parents might be wary in children\u2019s books, such as LGBT, racism, mental health, and violence. Professor Lampert said, whether showing children books on these topics or shielding them away depends on \u201chow well the book is written and how the topic is treated\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She said: \u201cSome books for young children need to be treated more carefully not because the topics are wrong but because it might take a skilled adult to process the book if they are reading it aloud with a very young reader.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Many picture books include guides for parents at the end of them to prompt discussions, and Professor Lampert added that, although some books were therapeutic or educative in these ways, children\u2019s books could also just be entertaining. \u201cWhat might seem like a taboo topic, say death, doesn\u2019t have to be included because it teaches something, but because it is essential to plot,\u201d said Professor Lampert. \u201cChildren can handle more than we think.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Eva and Sarah self-published their book in the end. They have worked on the project for two years and are very happy about their outcome.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Eva said, the publisher who told them \u201cdeath is off the table\u201d has been working in the industry for 20 years, and that idea might come from a very experienced but more traditional perspective of publishing. \u201cMy impression is that the children&#8217;s publishing has changed quite a lot in the last few years, in terms of the subjects and matters that the books are dealing with, and the diversity in the book,\u201d said Eva.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Anne has a similar opinion. \u201cThe current thinking is that children not only can deal with more sensitive topics, but that they actually want to read about them,\u201d said she. \u201cThey don&#8217;t want to be patronised.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sarah believes something is changing. For example, the empathy picture books movement is growing in the UK and other countries. \u201cI hope that they can keep developing. Always there are new titles that are reflective of our time,\u201d said Sarah. \u201cI hope that there can be more of them, [and] every child can see themselves reflected in a book and has access to a book that will help them at a time that they need it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed-youtube wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe class=\"zeen-lazy-load-base zeen-lazy-load\" title=\"How to talk to children about Death\" width=\"1200\" height=\"675\" src=\"about:blank\" data-lazy-src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/tAFXsnK0X5w?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><noscript><iframe title=\"How to talk to children about Death\" width=\"1200\" height=\"675\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/tAFXsnK0X5w?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/noscript>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Photos in the video comes from Pexels; music comes from the bensound.com.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"width: 100%\"><div style=\"padding-bottom: 56.25%;padding-top: 0;height: 0\"><iframe class=\"zeen-lazy-load-base zeen-lazy-load\" frameborder=\"0\" width=\"800\" height=\"400\" src=\"about:blank\" data-lazy-src=\"https:\/\/view.genial.ly\/5ebea2aa32a04c0d96b70484\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" scrolling=\"yes\"><\/iframe><noscript><iframe frameborder=\"0\" width=\"800\" height=\"400\" src=\"https:\/\/view.genial.ly\/5ebea2aa32a04c0d96b70484\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" scrolling=\"yes\"><\/iframe><\/noscript> <\/div> <\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Death may not be a favoured topic in kids&#8217; stories, but it is of great significance for children&#8217;s development. We talk to authors and experts to explore several whys.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":77,"featured_media":3246,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[146,51,145,147],"class_list":["post-3126","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorised","tag-children","tag-death","tag-literature","tag-taboo"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Children\u2019s books on death: great help to open the taboo conversation - Life360<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cardiffjournalism.co.uk\/life360\/childrens-books-on-death-great-help-to-open-the-taboo-conversation\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Children\u2019s books on death: great help to open the taboo conversation - Life360\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Death may not be a favoured topic in kids&#039; stories, but it is of great significance for children&#039;s development. 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