The unmarried rate for women aged 25-29 in China has increased by 16% in last ten years. What conflict does it cause between daughters and their parents’ hopes and aspirations?
In many Chinese cities, you’ll find a corner of the park where rows of papers are hung on racks or laid out on the ground. These are not mere park announcements, they are “love resumes,” meticulously detailing the personal information of unmarried men and women, from age and education to occupation and hobbies. This area is known as the “matchmaking corner.”
It’s a social phenomenon unique to China, as it is a country that values family and marriage, traditionally seeing it as an important milestone in life. In this gathering place, most of the attendees are parents with a single-hearted desire: to find the perfect match for their children. They exchange information about their offspring, creating a “talent market” devoid of smoke, brimming with anticipation and hope.
“My mom, after retiring last year, started frequenting the matchmaking corner near us, trying to find a suitable marriage partner for me,” says Gao Yuhan.
Yuhan is a 29-year-old Chinese woman with a master’s degree, working in online education at her hometown. But in her mother’s eyes, none of these achievements are as important as having a stable family.
“In my mom’s mind, getting married is a matter of course, especially for girls. She believes I need someone to take care of me, and I need to have children to support me in my old age,” says Yuhan. “She often tells me that at my age, she was already married and had a three-year-old daughter. In contrast, I don’t even have a boyfriend, which makes her very anxious.”
Not only Yuhan’s mother, but also her father sometimes subtly urges her to get married. “But my dad doesn’t push me directly. He’ll casually mention during our chats that so-and-so’s child from his office got married, or another colleague’s child had a baby. Although he doesn’t say it outright, I understand that he’s indirectly encouraging me to find a boyfriend and get married.”
Yuhan says that when she decided to take the postgraduate exam again a few years ago, her dad wasn’t too keen on the idea. He believed she should focus on getting a steady job and settling down rather than spending another year on exams. Fortunately, she succeeded on her second try, finished her master’s degree, and landed a really nice job.
But Yuhan has not included marriage in her current life plan. She says: “At this stage, I have no intention of getting married. I believe work should take precedence. I majored in education, and becoming a teacher in a public school has always been my dream. For me, teaching and nurturing students and pursuing my career aspirations are more important than getting married.”
And Yuhan is not alone: both the rate of unmarried Chinese women and the age at which they got married continue to rise. With societal development and the rise in women’s status, modern young people’s attitudes towards marriage have changed. They place greater emphasis on personal development, career planning, and quality of life, rather than rushing into marriage.
Data from the 2023 China Statistical Yearbook on Population and Employment show that the unmarried rate among women aged 25-29 has reached 39.87per cent, an increase of 17.89 per cent from a decade ago. For the female demographic aged 30-34, the rate of being unmarried has also seen an increase of 4.69% over the past decade. China’s seventh population census report in 2020 also showed that the average age of first marriage for Chinese women was 27.95 years, up 3.95 years from 2010.
Yuhan says she really gets where her parents are coming from; they just want her to be happy and have a wonderful family. It’s just that their perspectives differ.
This year, both her two cousins got married. “They were both born in the same year, two years younger than me, and they both got married this year. My parents didn’t say anything to me, but I think they were quite envious,” says Yuhan. “After my cousin’s engagement party, our relatives had a meal together, and one of them said to my cousin’s father: ‘You’ve fulfilled your duty.’ That comment really stuck with me. It seems like my parents’ generation sees their children getting married as a mission they must complete. This might be the difference in thinking between our two generations; I just believe happiness is not something that can only be achieved through marriage.”
More importantly, Yuhan feels that marriage is a kind of shackle, especially for women. “I have several friends who got married and rarely hang out with us anymore,” says Yuhan. “We used to travel together and attend concerts during holidays, but now they spend more time with their families instead of themselves. And for me, I still want to enrich my life and enjoy the happiness I bring to myself without being tied down by marriage and family.”
In her own family, Yuhan also noticed that her mother contributed more labor to the household. Especially when she was young, her mother had to work, do housework, and take care of her, while her father never even attended her parents’ meetings.
Yuhan’s personal observations about the gendered division of labor within her family mirror a broader societal trend in China. Her mother’s experience is not an isolated case; it represents the reality for many women who bear the brunt of domestic responsibilities alongside their professional duties.
This is further supported by data from the China Women’s Federation and the International Bureau of Statistics, which indicates that married Chinese women dedicate an average of 120 minutes daily to household chores. Working women, in particular, spend approximately 154 minutes each day on caregiving and domestic tasks like cooking and cleaning on weekdays—a workload that significantly exceeds that of their male counterparts. These statistics underscore the additional pressure that marriage can place on women, who are often expected to manage both home and work life. And this is a reality that Yuhan understands and ponders as she thinks about her own life decisions.
“When I chat with my mom, we talk about these issues, and I think it has made her rethink marriage,” Yuhan said. “Especially in the past year, she hasn’t urged me to find a boyfriend as much, and sometimes she even tells me, ‘If you really don’t plan to get married in the future, that’s actually quite good.’ So, I think the older generation’s views on marriage are gradually changing as well.”
“A couple of days ago, I met some of our neighbor aunties on my way home, and we had a chat. When they asked if I had a boyfriend and I told them I didn’t, they said, ‘The younger generation has different perspectives now, and that’s perfectly fine. Those who wish to marry will do so in their own time, and you can’t push those who don’t want to,'” says Yuhan. “I have to say, I was really moved and pleased to hear such open-mindedness from them. And one of our neighbors has a daughter who is nearing 40 and still unmarried. In earlier times, she might have been judged for that. But our neighbors don’t see it as a problem at all, and they even support her by trying to counsel her parents to be more accepting. It is also a kind of mutual understanding between generations.”
The rising divorce rate among the elderly has also made Yuhan realize the shift in people’s views on marriage. According to statistics, the divorce rate among people aged 60 and above in China reached 1.32% in 2023, double what it was three decades ago. Moreover, in over 80% of these cases, it was the women who initiated the divorce.
“I recall an auntie from Douyin who gained popularity for her desire to divorce,” says Yuhan. “She said she and her husband had always split expenses evenly in their marriage, and she was also the one doing the laundry, cooking, and cleaning for him. She had been enduring all this for the sake of her daughter when she was young, and after her daughter grew up and got married, she continued to help take care of her grandchildren, living a life of constant stress. So when her family disagreed with her decision, she chose to hit the road, purchasing a vehicle and creating a mobile home with a tent on top. As she journeyed through various parts of China, she documented her experiences in videos, which resonated with many and garnered her support.”
“Her narrative inspired a film titled ‘Like A Rolling Stone,’ and I’m looking forward to watching it once it’s out,” says Yuhan. “I also hope that more and more women and their elder family members realize that marriage is not a necessity in life, and we will take control of our own happiness.”