In Wales, single women are at greater risk of loneliness compared to their coupled-up counterparts, but a turn towards communal living could change the narrative
Single women have long been plagued by the “Bridget Jones” stereotype. Turn your back on romantic partnership and society assumes you’ll be spending the New Year alone, sprawled across the sofa with a bottle of rioja, belting out the lyrics to Celine Dion’s All By Myself.
The notion that single women’s lives are inherently tinged with sadness or pity purely because they are without a romantic partner feels unjust. Yet, according to recent data, our relationship status may significantly influence how lonely we feel.
Figures from the Welsh government reveal that 13% of the population experiences loneliness to some degree. Cardiff, however, exceeds both the Welsh and UK averages, with more residents reporting feeling “often or always” lonely.
While factors like financial hardship and mental health issues contribute to this statistic, one of the most telling indicators is relationship status: single individuals are nearly twice as likely to feel emotionally lonely compared to their married counterparts.
Turning down ‘I do’
While some may still view singledom, particularly for women, as a temporary phase before finding “Mr. Right,” modern trends reveal this perception as outdated.
In England and Wales, marriage rates among women have plummeted, dropping by over 50% in the past 40 years. More recently online, a growing number of women are expressing their intent to leave the dating scene, and the prospect of marriage, entirely behind.
Sandas Raza, founder of female-focused events company Girlz Clwb, said that she’s seen a resurgence of women-only hangouts around Cardiff, linking this to a more general rise in independence among women.
She said: “As women, we’ve realised we don’t need men to make us happy. We can go on dates with the girls, we don’t need to keep waiting for a man to sweep us off our feet and take us to all these nice places.”
For some women, like contributors to TikTok’s #4B movement, the decision to stop dating men is a bold act of defiance against patriarchal violence. For others, it’s about reclaiming agency after years of disillusionment with dating. Yet, for many, it’s simply a matter of personal preference.
While this decision can feel liberating, it also carries the risk of loneliness in a society where traditional expectations persist.
As author Georgina Lawton writes in The Guardian: “For those of us who are single by choice, who don’t want kids and don’t date, the constant gendered expectations of what life should like look by a certain point can feel relentless and isolating – and often come at the expense of community.”
Living different
The answer for some women may lie in communal living and more specifically, intentional communities. Different from flatmates living under a landlord, communities like these are self-governing, meaning residents are the key decision makers.
While the term “communal living” encompasses a broad range of housing structures, the common thread is that they’re made up of people who purposefully choose to live together, often under a set of shared values.
Swansea-based Christine Haigh, who joined Golem Housing Cooperative six years ago, spoke to the benefits of this mode of living, particularly for those who choose not to go down the path of a traditional relationship.
She said: “I’ve like spent most of the time living [in Golem] being single. In a way, I feel like the co-op meets a lot of the companionship and support needs that you often look for in a partner.”
For Haigh, these needs are often met though the simple expressions of daily life at Golem, whether that’s being asked about her day over a shared meal or being brought a cup of tea when she’s feeling under the weather.
In a way, I feel like the co-op meets a lot of the companionship and support needs that you often look for in a partner
Finding purpose
As well as providing an environment that’s conducive to social interaction, there’s another element of communal living that may help lessen the extent to which loneliness is experienced.
A key factor of these communities is that they are a shared project, requiring ongoing engagement and contribution from residents, which often helps foster a sense of purpose.
While there is no one way to avoid feeling lonely, research published in Psychology and Aging shows a correlation between having a sense of purpose and experiencing lower levels of loneliness.
Based off this finding, being accepted into a communal home may seem like the equivalent to being given a golden ticket for the women who are drawn to this mode of living. However, data only tells part of the story.
Amy Bowen, a resident of the Christian community Hilfield Friary in Dorset, credits her experience with helping her grow in confidence and improve her mental health, saying: “Overall, if I look at where I was a year and a half ago compared to now, I’m a different person.”
But Bowen also notes that living in close quarters with others comes with challenge. The lack of personal space in shared areas can be overwhelming at times, she explains, and despite the close friendships she’s made, friction is sometimes unavoidable.
Even for the most enthusiastic participants, communal living can be difficult. In order for it to be a worthwhile endeavour, a sense of alignment with a particular community’s ethos and lifestyle is crucial.
Without this compatibility, entering into this way of life may lead to further disconnect and isolation, rather than fulfilment.
Redefining happiness
Despite the challenges, communal living presents an opportunity to reimagine what happiness, connection and relationships look like for single women in Cardiff and beyond.
While it’s no quick fix for curing loneliness, it can offer security, support and a shared sense of purpose that, in many ways, mimics what a successful marriage provides.
Communal living might not be the answer for all single women, but for the growing number who refuse to wait for Mr. Darcy to come and sweep them off their feet, it poses a rather hopeful alternative.
For the girls: Finding community in Cardiff
- Girlz Clwb – A safe space for finding female friends. Think candle painting, movie nights, sip and paint hang-outs, and more
- PowHerful Sisterhood – A social community centred around female empowerment. Offers regular socials and a group chat on Whatsapp
- Cardiff Girl – A place to find friends, housemates, or business connections through book club meetings and drinks nights