For those of you thinking of dabbling in a bit of S&M this weekend, I can tell you now that you cannot use this as an excuse to air all your weekly anger. After graduating from a bondage class, I can tell you that beating up your partner because they left empty loo roll tube on the dispenser, is not BDSM or anything close.
In an attempt to be bold and courageous and push the boundaries I signed up to Ann Summers beginners’ guide to bondage class that was run by Sexpert Alix Fox. Travelling down dark and rainy Queen Street I entered Ann Summers, a shop known for its darker interior even during the brightest days of summer.
On arrival staff greeted myself and other ticket holders warmly, taking our coats and supplying you with champagne. This was clearly an attempt to spark conversation between us awkward lot. All I knew was that I was going to need more throughout the evening.
I had half an hour to mingle, which given the circumstances made it more awkward for me as I was the only one who had turned up to this event alone. After a while, a very sassy women came up to a few people I was conversing with and clinked glasses with us. She announced that she was our sexpert and was happy to see so many people here to learn more.
As we sat down the awkwardness settled back in. We were all sat awkwardly sipping bubbles and looking anywhere but at each other. Because secretly, we were all trying to assess who was the evil dominatrix in the group.
Alix, as she liked to be called by her students, took her position at the front next top an ominous desk with “equipment” on it. To break the ice Miss Fox simple asked us to name the weirdest names we had ever heard for male and female genitals. I was prepared with my answer “penis flytrap” when she stopped two people before me. Damn.
When I first sat down I had prepared myself for the full monty; floggers, handcuffs, vibrators and the rest.
Throughout the talk Miss Fox went through the class in stages emphasising the need for communication between a couple as well needing to know your partner’s limits. That made a lot of sense; after all, all of us who read the books know Christian Grey took it too far and was frankly a cruel heartless bastard.
The talk was extremely light-hearted and Miss Fox continued to make jokes to keep the mood light and not awkward. So much so I did not mind I was on my own.
The talk about safe words left everyone wondering what they might use. Grapes, banana and Alix’s favourite, doorbell were all suggestion. Personally I quite liked YOLO. It would get the reaction needed anyway.
Miss fox took us all on a journey into the kinky world of BDSM; from tales of her own sex life (I am still trying to understand the chandelier rope position) to the things one might say if they were being the dominant partner.
If I learnt one thing it was that BDSM was not an excuse to be a chronic bitch. It was about trust and communication, not getting pay back for your other half peeing on the toilet seat.
Rope, floggers, paddles and sensory deprivation all came up and provided good discussion amongst couples.
Concluding she talk Miss Fox referred to a thing called a sex hangover. This apparently is when you have engaged in BDSM and are suddenly knocked for six afterwards (not in a sexual way).
I will never forget Alix Fox. She was fun, enthusiastic and she clearly loved her job. It was great to see someone so happy to share their own experiences no matter how cringy they might be.
All the staff in Ann Summers came up to me at the end of the evening to ask if I had fun. The honest answer was that I had .My awkwardness had faded away after the first 40 minutes and not because of the champagne. I felt comfortable enough to roar with laughter and let myself enjoy the evening.
The staff asked me if I would ever attend another event with them and I found myself very eager to agree because this was a relaxed environment and people are always willing to talk to you even if you are a journalist.
I can safely say that I had fun at a BDSM master class and I am not ashamed to admit it, because I have the certificate to prove it!
