Today’s singles generation are changing the way they date, as more than half of single adults are done with dating apps. But if they won’t find love on the apps, what then?
Psychos can be attractive too. That is something that Alice learned after a not so successful date. After rejecting his request of a second date, her not so potential partner used a burner phone to reach out to her. This time he pretended to be his own brother to deliver the “bad news” that her rejection caused him to commit suicide.
To think this all started with a simple swipe right on a dating app. The emotional toll this situation had on her seems extreme but not uncommon. After all, this dating app horror story is one of the many bad experiences that Alice among many others had to deal with.
“That was psychotic for sure. I had so many horror stories, but this might be the worst one. I’m just so tired of dating apps. I haven’t had a lot of luck with it. They just don’t work for me, and you never know what you’ll end up with. Lots of weirdos for sure”, said Alice.
According to Novuna Personal Finance, 67% of users use dating apps out of boredom than for intentional dating. It is not a surprise then that dates spark more interesting stories than deep connections. Yet while many girls worry about who they’ll end up attracting, many guys worry about not attracting anyone at all.
Sam, a 30-something-year-old freelancer in Cardiff expressed his frustration with dating apps. “As a straight guy, you come against a lot of competition. Because when the attention that my girl-friends get is huge, and I don’t necessarily get that much. It doesn’t really lead anywhere. It seems gameficated. Less serious.”
“There’s a lot of potential options that people have. Maybe because there’s not a lot of human connection like you don’t really know or have a human feeling so you don’t care about them as much or give them as much regard. And then you have so many options, so when you have a lot of supply of something the less valuable that thing is. So when you can actually meet and mingle in real life, you can actually see who you vibe with compared to on dating apps I would say,” said Sam.
With more people giving up on dating apps, the “real life dating” emerged back like an old nineties trend, a foreign concept to the current single generation. After all, that is how most of their parents found love in the first place.
The newest thing replacing the dating apps is Thursday Dating, the singles event of the season taking place on Thursdays. More aligned with the classic idea of meet-cute found in rom coms, Thursday Dating organises events for single people that aim to recreate the organic way of meeting a potential love interest in real life and eventually, if lucky, falling in love. But would this practically work or is it too good to be true?
Putting yourself out there can be difficult for many, let alone when done literally. I was aware of that as I immersed myself in one of the Thursday Dating events in Cardiff. Unlike the awkward set-up of speed dating and things as such, the event was hosted in the quaint location of Cocktail Club in the city centre. The requirements? Come single ready to mingle.
The small bar layout encouraged people to stand close to one another, breaking the physical barrier to make a move. Yet unlike the usual bar hopping and night outs, the fear of rejection was lessened, as those who bought tickets to be there that night were potentially there to approach and get approached.
“I decided to come on my own I’ve been single for a few years now and I decided to grow a pair of balls and just come”, said Sam. “It was a bit nerve-wracking like I had pain in the chest area. Thankfully I know some mindfulness techniques and deep breath and I tell myself it’s going to be okay. But I put it this way like at the end of the day we’re all here to socialise.”
At first, the bar resembled a high school dance where the boys and girls stood separately from each other, mentally preparing for a simple introduction. Yet soon enough, it was hopeful not being able to tell between those who just met and those who already knew each other.
Yet among the genuine connection, there were bound to be some interesting characters. While Alice would have usually swiped left, she had to interact with a man visibly from another generation, and his pickup leading line was verging more on being an insult. The second was a very socially awkward university student unable to carry a conversation. But could this possibly be the effects of coming out of the dating app epidemic?
Yet the perks of meeting in person instead of scrolling online is that you can filter through based on what you learn in a half an hour conversation compared to what may have normally been dragged out through months in a way that not just makes you give up not just on dating apps but on dating as a whole.
Another perk of meeting in real life is that things like vibe, charm and great personality can get you further in real life and might not show as much on your Tinder’s profile.
Sam was hopeful about his recent encounters with Nadia, one of the girls in the club. Despite feeling nervous at the start, he approached her saying “You look both sexy and smart”, a bold line sure to grab her attention. After a conversation and exchanging contacts, Sam was positive about his chances to see her again.
Nadia had enjoyed her conversation with Sam but had no interest in taking it further. In fact, she told him that she already has a guy, something that he failed to mention when interviewed, and she was only here to support her single friends who came along. That did not stop Sam from texting her the next day to ask her on a date.
Whether the blame falls on Nadia’s unavailability or Sam’s inability to read cues, this seemed to be a theme as lots of guys came by themselves and were single, while girls came in big groups with unclear relationship status.
Coming along with enough girls to form a band, Megan had no intention of meeting a guy. “We all came here tonight to support our friend who recently came out of a breakup. The rest of us aren’t exactly single, but like she’s in a situationship. I’m also in a situationship, so if these boys aren’t ready to commit then why stay at home,” said Megan. “I will say though the girls look amazing tonight. They are all dressed up, hair and make-up done, ten out of ten while the guys did not put any effort.”
This opinion was shared between many of the girls in the bar, single or not. Some changed their mind when interacting with some men, while some stayed in a comfort zone with the rest of their friends.
Sam’s experience might not have been ideal in terms of not finding a girl. But the experience has built his confidence and stretched out his social skills. After all, rarely does anyone get their dream job on a first interview, so why would we expect any different when dating?
Like most people in the bar, I did not leave with a potential partner either, but I left with old and new friends that I have made during the event and planned to see them again. But might this be the forgotten secret of a true connection? It may simply take time to de-influence ourselves from the fast and superficial ways of dating apps that became second nature to many. At the end of the day, Alice and Sam were both at the same event looking for a genuine connection but did not cross paths.